deliriumcrow: (Default)
Really long, delirious rambling. And paranoia. )
deliriumcrow: (Default)
Right then. So I think I should be afraid to live in this country now.... I can't say that I'm really all that sure which bill is which at this point, all I can remember is that they're all bad, all invasive, and all are infringing on our rights as free citizens, and leading us that much closer to a dictatorship. Being in a European History class at the moment and reading about Hitler and Mussolini, I'm beginning to see some similarities between their rise to power and that of Bush 2. This is in no way reassuring. While I used to read books set in Europe in WWII and dreamed of what it would be like to be in the Resistance, I in no way actually wanted to be a part of it in the present world. I didn't want to live in a world where such a thing would become necessary. It was something from the past, and as such had relevance only as a reference point to the world of my grandparents, and as a picture of Things We Should Avoid. I mean the fascists, not the resistance to them by that. It's sad. Almost all these people were alive during the war, some of them fought in it. Or at least their parents did. I keep forgetting just how long ago that was.... But you'd think they'd remember what they were fighting against and at least *try* not to duplicate it in their home country?

I never wanted those books to be training.

I suppose they kind of have to be now, just to see how they did it, and how their methods could be reinterpreted to the modern world or improved on. I don't want this to be the world we live in! I don't want friends to die for this crude, uncultured lout we have in office, and his bullying policies! I don't want to be imprisoned because I speak my mind freely, often to criticize the new regime. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to resist the government, and their new powers, or how to be strong in spite of it, or even how not to go into further hiding when I hear of the things they do to my home. I do love this country. It's my home, and how can you not love your home? I've found comfort here, and I realize I could well find it elsewhere, but I don't really want to. I'm not ready to leave it yet. I love the history it was built on, and the ideals. I just can't stand the jackbooted thugs who want to destroy it. I want to rebuild, but it has to be torn down first. And that doesn't usually happen bloodlessly, and it certainly won't in this case. I am sick of the collective apathy of the American public, and the fear at speaking wrong, and I'm sure that's part of the reason some of these bills got passed. But that fear doesn't take away from the fact that they are now law, with all that entails. We are not safe here anymore.

Nothing is sacred, nothing is safe. I should have learned that when my grandmother's house burned a few months ago. That was my safe place, my escape, the secret places that children can go and adults never look in. The safest place--the attic, the highest place and most quiet, the darkest, so full of bats and dust and history, all the things that everyone forgot about but were too dear to put in the barn, I loved it. It heald me in the arms of my ancestors, safe and loved. It's gone, adn here I am left with the cinders. I wamt to photograph it, for the memories. Because it is important to me. And at the same time, the larger home also falls blazing into red-bannered fear. (And if he does adopt a red banner when he declares the presidency suspended until the terrorist threat is eliminated, and proclaims himself supreme war leader of the Empire, I won't be surprised.)

I'm being reactionary. I'm scared of this. There's very little that will surprise me at this point. Except for maybe peace, and privacy.

Matt, can I join you in Bora Bora?

November 2014

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