deliriumcrow | Whining (Consider yourself warned.)

So have you ever woken up to realize that you're incredibly depressed, and not only are you currently so, but you have been for the last couple weeks, you just didn't notice because you were too bust being happy? And how is it that one can be both at the same time? I don't quite get it. But there it is, all the same. I have no right to bitch. I have a good life now, and the past hasn't been haunting me nearly as much of late. Not even in dreams, except for those about Jen. I have a job that I don't hate. Honestly, I rather like it, and the people I work with (one in particular) just rock. I have a Home. Not just a place to live in, or in which to keep my stuff, but a real Home. And I have Remy, and it's still going really well. There is love there, and joy, so why am I so depressed? I've even been keeping myself busy and motivated with my sewing, and it looks like I'll even finish things this time....

So things aren't going entirely well. We were playing yesterday in the morning, and I freaked out. I don't know why. Something broke, and I started crying. I know it was just playing, but for some reason it didn't register as such, and I had no explanation for it.

We had dinner with my father and brother last night, which was the first significant time Remy had with my father. They seemed to get along, but I didn't say much. It's weird, we used to be so close. When I was in high school, before I ran away from home and changed my life so completely, we used to stay up until 1 in the morning talking about.... Everything. History, politics, art, society, music....

Then we went out with my mother, to a ballroom dancing exposition, and it's really odd spending time with her, willingly. I mean, I tried to kill her once. She used to beat the ever living shit out of me on a fairly regular basis when I was younger. life with her was not happy. And I now see her of my own free will? What's going on here?

I think one of the big things might be that we don't go out anymore. When we lived with Sarah and Dennis, we saw them. They weren't us. And we saw other people, as well, and now we see no one. It isn't for lack of space or time. I don't know what it is. The closest of my close friends either already have, or will be soon leaving the state to go out west. Like Seattle west. And that's about as far as you can get and still be on the same continent. Ok, so not really, but it's close. They could be in Alaska. But I do need to see people more often. I think I'm lonely.

Anyone free? Feel like doing anything? I'm on Aim, Rowan078.