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Jul. 17th, 2003 01:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deliriumcrowFrom a Whisper to a Scream by Charles de Lint was almost physically painful to read at times, the way he described scenes of sexual abuse and pedophelia from the vicitm's and the abuser's perspectives. I was nearly sick a few times. It was *far* worse than Onion Girl, which had me in tears several times.
Amazingly, I handled it much better than I would have expected. There was a time perhaps a year and a half ago that I would have most likely had a severe trauma from it. This time it hurt, but I knew it wasn't me, and when Remy cuddled with me when we were both reading, I knew it was him, not anyone from my past. No freaking out, not trouble, not being insane over it, Just reading a story about how the world sometimes really, really sucks, and then it gets much, much, much worse. And then you have to deal with it. And I'm goign to guess that from my reaction I have dealt with mine, or at least mostly. It still hurts sometimes, and I think it always will. It's almost funny how when rape comes up in conversation and my experiences are pertinent enough to mention, people seem so shocked and horrified by it, and to me it's mostly something that happened a very long time ago, to a very different person. I almost can't feel their hands on me anymore, Which is a bit of a new thing, and one of my goalish things for waht to do with my head.
And today, Remy beeped at me. It was not that he said beep, his body emitted a small beeping sound. Which is fine, he said a telephone was ringing in my chest.
Amazingly, I handled it much better than I would have expected. There was a time perhaps a year and a half ago that I would have most likely had a severe trauma from it. This time it hurt, but I knew it wasn't me, and when Remy cuddled with me when we were both reading, I knew it was him, not anyone from my past. No freaking out, not trouble, not being insane over it, Just reading a story about how the world sometimes really, really sucks, and then it gets much, much, much worse. And then you have to deal with it. And I'm goign to guess that from my reaction I have dealt with mine, or at least mostly. It still hurts sometimes, and I think it always will. It's almost funny how when rape comes up in conversation and my experiences are pertinent enough to mention, people seem so shocked and horrified by it, and to me it's mostly something that happened a very long time ago, to a very different person. I almost can't feel their hands on me anymore, Which is a bit of a new thing, and one of my goalish things for waht to do with my head.
And today, Remy beeped at me. It was not that he said beep, his body emitted a small beeping sound. Which is fine, he said a telephone was ringing in my chest.
