Still more whinging.

[deliriumcrow]

I think I'm going to blame it on being sick, and PMS. Yes, those are perfectly acceptable reasons. Having another day of self loathing, and I'm really getting close to wanting to cut again. Not that I would at this point, I usually have better methods. Walks generally do fine, at least then it doesn't look intentional, when the only way up the hill is through the briars. We have to start packing, soon. I still have finals, and all I really want to do is hide, and never be seen again. Especially by myself. I hate looking at myself in the mirror, or just looking down. I have never been able to stand the way I look, clothed or otherwise. Nothing really makes any difference. There are days when it isn't so very bad as this, when I can actually manage to look in the mirror without being revolted to the point of illness, but this is not one of them. I hate when it gets this bad, when trying to keep emotions inside where they belong just results in pointless tears that only make things worse, and sniping at people I actaully care about. I don't mean to. Sometimes I think I need to go back on medications, but it doesn't happen often at all anymore. Of course when it does, it's with a fine vengeance.... So now I'm wondering if this is a reaction to the now non-existant aforementioned clothing items, or if that was a reaction to the depression? Either way, I'm not particularly amused with this state, and would love to change it. If I knew how. I can't even talk to Remy now, because I know I'm just going to start crying and being pathetic, and am sure he's probably annoyed at me.