(no subject)
Jan. 27th, 2003 06:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
deliriumcrowIt's been a long time since I woke up this depressed, believing my world is somehow at an end, unable to see any joy in life at all. Since I woke up and started crying, before anything else. I don't know why. There's no really good reason, I'm just cold, and very alone. Very, very painfully alone. Walked Remy to the bus becuase there was no reason not to, and didn't really feel all that useful there, or even wanted. Like I was just there because he didn't what to tell me to go away.
I want a cigarette. Not even 6.30 in the morning, Ishouldn't even be awake yet, and I"m already wanting a smoke. Why the hell not?
I'm still crying. I still have no reason. In this last year I have never felt so cut off from him. It's not so much something that can be explained as felt, like losing a part of my mind, or something. I really don't want to go to school, much less work. I looked at him this morning and he was covered in this black fog, like a shroud, and no, I don't mean that figuratively, it was there. I saw it. There was nothing I could do to move it, or get through it, and how do you fight something like that? I've always been of the opinion that love and will can fix anything, but if it isn't? what then? I'm so used to being able to feel him in my head, and now there's nothing but a hole where he should be. god. I should be getting ready for school, and I don't have the motivation to do anything but go back to bed.
I want a cigarette. Not even 6.30 in the morning, Ishouldn't even be awake yet, and I"m already wanting a smoke. Why the hell not?
I'm still crying. I still have no reason. In this last year I have never felt so cut off from him. It's not so much something that can be explained as felt, like losing a part of my mind, or something. I really don't want to go to school, much less work. I looked at him this morning and he was covered in this black fog, like a shroud, and no, I don't mean that figuratively, it was there. I saw it. There was nothing I could do to move it, or get through it, and how do you fight something like that? I've always been of the opinion that love and will can fix anything, but if it isn't? what then? I'm so used to being able to feel him in my head, and now there's nothing but a hole where he should be. god. I should be getting ready for school, and I don't have the motivation to do anything but go back to bed.
