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[personal profile] deliriumcrow
I don't remember the last time I slept properly. I remember nights, lying in bed until 5 in the morning, thinking five thoughts at the same damned time, writing stories in my head that will never see paper because I can't remember them now, creating posts that will never be read, debating what the term lesbian means to me and my frought history with the word, trying to figure out if Alistair or Tabris is Anne in Persuasion because you could make the case either way. Trying to figure out how im going to move all the boxes that need to be removed from the house so we can take photos of it so we can sell it so we can make an offer on the next so we can finally just fucking leave already and not knowing how im going to make it work when i cant actually lift anything because I'm too fucking broken. I am constantly exhausted, but too tired to sleep, and I'm so done with it.

Also, apparently I still know all the words to American Pie and the song whose name I don't remember that followed it on the record. Yes, record. My father bought it in college when it came out, and still had it in the rotation when I was a toddler and old enough to remember the cover. My mother listened to it when I was a small child so certain lyrics look like my grandmother's kitchen when I was too short to have more than my nose over the counter. The rest of it sounds like being 14 at nerd camp, laughing and crying with new friends I feel like I'd known forever. I don't talk to any of them anymore, and can barely remember most of their names, but they were everything to me then.

December 2018

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