if i were a black bird, could whistle and sing

[deliriumcrow]

it's always the same no matter what happens or who with. it's always little boys who cannot decide what they want and who haven't the moral fortitude to finish what they started, or keep their promises. you want compromise? don't expect me to give everythign then. don't think that i'm some replaceable little tart who you can keep around when you want me and discard when you don't. if i trust you, i exoect the smae in return. if i give of myself, then i expect a little respect in return.

i don't hate you and that's the problem. if i did i could just write this off as another stupid mistake, and i cant do that. not with you. you never asked for the things you say you gave up for me, and i never wanted them from you in the first place. all i asked was that you come back when you were done. but instead you give them up and treat me as though i did ask it of you, and that ... mature people do not do that.

you are a bastard and an asshole and for no good reason at all, even though i do not want to, i stil love you. i would still do anything for you, give anything, just to have you with me. even though you could never give the same respect to me. you are too weak, and too scared to accept life as it is, and that is your fault and none of mine. you said you never would but you hurt me regularly, and i hate you for that. yes, hate. it's not so different from love, if you think about it.

Comments

[pgnblade.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[deliriumcrow.livejournal.com]

thank you ...

where have you been?

[stefka.livejournal.com]

Honey? What's going on? Will seek you on AIM in a little bit.

Hate is indeed not much different fom love. Hate is love thwarted. Love's true opposite is indifference.

[deliriumcrow.livejournal.com]

going on ... oh that's a long story now ... it involves bathrooms and trust and women and needing to think about things, and indecision. and trying to remember why i'm still human and why i still feel anythign at all and why i can't kill of my heart no matter how hard i try

[stonetimber.livejournal.com]

Leave the killing to a professional.....preferably one who will have fun with it.....

[deliriumcrow.livejournal.com]

**hugs** merci, papa. Actuellement, I don't need anyone to kill anyone for me, it's just .... it's complicated. Moreso than it really needs to be. :-/

[napalmmk9.livejournal.com]

How about maiming? we could probably arrange a maiming. No? Okay, vicious taunting? flaming bags of dog poop? Call his phone and hang up repeatedly?

[auntiegrizelda.livejournal.com]

*hugs* What's going on, mwor?

Did I ever give you my cell number? You could always call me if you wanted to. I don't remember if I have yours.

[deliriumcrow.livejournal.com]

you didn't.
i can get it from stefka, with whom i'm iming

[manycolored.livejournal.com]

Hon... this sounds painful.

I know you tried to call me last night. Internet and VOIP phone were out. You caught me online because I was piggy backing on somebody else's wifi.

I'll see if I can get online tonight. Meanwhile, I'm on Gmail chat all day.