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deliriumcrowI'm not pregnant!
This is only noteworthy because this is the second month without bleeding. So we went out and got a pregnancy test this morning, after waiting, and worrying, for *way* too long.
Quite frankly, neither of us is ready to be parents, and abortion is not really an option. This is one I would actually regret. Previously, though it had never come to that, it was something I would have considered, but now, in this phase of my life, and specifically with Remy, it just seems like a Bad Idea. While adoption could have been an option, I do want to keep any child we produce. And we will, at some point, but in the future. Now is just a bad time for that.
So we're celebrating, in unhealthy ways. A cigarette, some gin, cookies, anything that would be bad for a child-to-be. And photography. Because I don't know how good the chemicals in a darkroom would be for pregnancy.... I'd really hate to have to give that up for any extended period. It's just so much fun!
And this morning. It was horrible. I was lapsing back into the anorexic thing, trying so hard not to eat, and Remy said he woulnd't eat unless I did. It worked. And at that time I was still pretty well convinced that I was in fact pregnant, so I don't know *what* I was thinking.... I hate the anorexic tendencies. I hate this poor image of myself. There are times when I look in the mirror and see that there's really nothing wrong with me, but other times.... I don't know.
And now back to paper writing.... I *will* finish it tonight.
This is only noteworthy because this is the second month without bleeding. So we went out and got a pregnancy test this morning, after waiting, and worrying, for *way* too long.
Quite frankly, neither of us is ready to be parents, and abortion is not really an option. This is one I would actually regret. Previously, though it had never come to that, it was something I would have considered, but now, in this phase of my life, and specifically with Remy, it just seems like a Bad Idea. While adoption could have been an option, I do want to keep any child we produce. And we will, at some point, but in the future. Now is just a bad time for that.
So we're celebrating, in unhealthy ways. A cigarette, some gin, cookies, anything that would be bad for a child-to-be. And photography. Because I don't know how good the chemicals in a darkroom would be for pregnancy.... I'd really hate to have to give that up for any extended period. It's just so much fun!
And this morning. It was horrible. I was lapsing back into the anorexic thing, trying so hard not to eat, and Remy said he woulnd't eat unless I did. It worked. And at that time I was still pretty well convinced that I was in fact pregnant, so I don't know *what* I was thinking.... I hate the anorexic tendencies. I hate this poor image of myself. There are times when I look in the mirror and see that there's really nothing wrong with me, but other times.... I don't know.
And now back to paper writing.... I *will* finish it tonight.
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no subject
Date: 2002-11-24 02:58 pm (UTC)And some day in the future, you and Remy will make fabulous parents. I'm very happy that that day hasn't arrived prematurely. :-)
no subject
Date: 2002-11-24 04:05 pm (UTC)way to go...er NOT go this time!
Date: 2002-11-24 07:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-11-25 08:20 pm (UTC)*hugs*
Date: 2002-11-25 11:39 pm (UTC)Re: *hugs*
Date: 2002-11-26 03:35 pm (UTC)