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Stuff and Nonsense
Apr. 5th, 2003 02:22 pmIt's so time for a move. I started packing today and realized that I have way too much fabric, and decided to let Sarah go through some of it, partly to give her some more stuff to play with, partly to lessen the crates of the stuff a bit.... I went in to classes with her, as usual for Friday, and spent a good 20 minutes or so scraping a quarter inch of ice off her windscreen. Geh. I hate this weather. Not that the place we're moving to will be that much better, it's only an hour south, but you know, those two degrees warmer weather there makes all the difference on days like this.
Aside from the fact that it isn't *here*. I know the time between here and Saratoga is about the same, and I've gone from there to here in the four years I've been back in New York, but it is still the same area, and it's been too long. I was hoping that the need to travel would die out soon. Maybe it will someday, but apparently not yet. Instead it just feels like drowning. I don't know, maybe I still need some time away from my past, see if I can't make something productive out of myself in a place where there's nothing but new around me. And *then* try to deal with all the stupid things I've done, when I'm actually stable enough to do so, instead of coming back to it all when almost as shattered as when I first left so many years ago.
This is not to say I haven't made progress here, in spite of the many backward steps. I've seen bits of myself that are exceptionally uncomfortable, and maye someday I'll give a rant about the more important ones. But not now, I'm still not overly comfortable with them yet.
I think I also want to start working more seriously on the more metaphysical aspects of my life. Those have been sadly neglected in the wake of what seems like far too much schoolwork, nad it's really time to get back, as the weather warms up enough that I can actually leave the house without abject misery. Things are starting, I can feel them moving, I just don't quite know what they are at the moment. My dreams are all pretty much dealing with this aspect of life right now, but on waking I never know what they are. I'm hoping for subconscious knowledge that reaveals itself at *opportune* moments, rather than realizing after the fact what just happened, and being more or less useless.enough rambling now.... Have to go do stuff.
Aside from the fact that it isn't *here*. I know the time between here and Saratoga is about the same, and I've gone from there to here in the four years I've been back in New York, but it is still the same area, and it's been too long. I was hoping that the need to travel would die out soon. Maybe it will someday, but apparently not yet. Instead it just feels like drowning. I don't know, maybe I still need some time away from my past, see if I can't make something productive out of myself in a place where there's nothing but new around me. And *then* try to deal with all the stupid things I've done, when I'm actually stable enough to do so, instead of coming back to it all when almost as shattered as when I first left so many years ago.
This is not to say I haven't made progress here, in spite of the many backward steps. I've seen bits of myself that are exceptionally uncomfortable, and maye someday I'll give a rant about the more important ones. But not now, I'm still not overly comfortable with them yet.
I think I also want to start working more seriously on the more metaphysical aspects of my life. Those have been sadly neglected in the wake of what seems like far too much schoolwork, nad it's really time to get back, as the weather warms up enough that I can actually leave the house without abject misery. Things are starting, I can feel them moving, I just don't quite know what they are at the moment. My dreams are all pretty much dealing with this aspect of life right now, but on waking I never know what they are. I'm hoping for subconscious knowledge that reaveals itself at *opportune* moments, rather than realizing after the fact what just happened, and being more or less useless.enough rambling now.... Have to go do stuff.
